All Saints Day

It is All Saints Day.

I am getting better at running consistently. I ran three times last week, not counting soccer. Speaking of soccer, I am pretty sure I sustained a concussion about two weeks ago. It was quite the headache, and I started a new job the next day. It was a difficult week. It was clear to me that I was not functioning well. I was actually a little worried about my speech at times, slurring words and forgetting really elementary things. But, it passed. I did not want to go to the doctor for many different reasons. And I think I made the right choice, or I was just lucky that I did not stroke out.

I am thankful for the job and happy to be getting up and going to work every day. It makes quite a difference to your psyche. The people at school are friendly and the energy is really nice. I hope, I hope...

School--my graduate school-- went into a full scale nosedive the week of the concussion and I had to drop two classes. Also, the class that I was offered to "makeup" the "missing submissions" went by the wayside. I still have a "B", but I am a bit of a perfectionist, so I don't like it. But I just could not look at a computer screen that week. I basically went to bed by 9 or 10 each night, barely coping.

Lately, I feel the pain of reality. Of course, if you take an objective viewpoint in regard to what has occurred in my life the past two years, you can certainly understand. I have days that I feel loss. My intention is to count my blessings, as especially in the past few months, I have received many. But my longing is misplaced and will probably never be satisfied, even if it is something that never was and never will be, it is so difficult to extinguish. And, if even if it was offered, would I believe in it?

I have some patient friends who listen, offer thoughts. So, again I am lucky. So many suffer alone. So many.

The saints did, right? Suffer.

hollyj


ps. I also turned 44 last week. Forever young, I want to be forever young.