Hanging.

Pain is the theme of today.

I hoped I would have a better outlook No one seems to understand what I am trying to do here. I am in the process of becoming a better person and all I am met with is that I am somehow putting the onus on them, blaming. If Im blaming anyone, it's me. My lack of faith in everything.

And I could barely move today. I think something is very wrong. I finally ate. But I had to sit in the same position all day, doing these repetitive tests. My body was killing me and my head started to ache. But again there is nothing I can do. I can't cancel out on anyone now.

If I can make it through tomorrow, I will be okay.

Sorry to continue the negative. I am just hoping to write it out, get clear and find a good place. And many things to do before it's too late.

Hanging on.

Hollyj

Grumpy

There is so much happening right now I can't write it all. Not running much, playing frustrating games of soccer, locked in a colossal ^%$%^&%*& with Concordia University about my degree being finalized. Not my fault, but they won't do anything to make it better.

Improv, quitting the play, ex-husband being continually difficult. Feeling like I will never realize my dreams because I am too busy working, now every day extra hours because I can't say no, for many reasons. But I also need to forward myself professionally. When the hell is that supposed to happen?

I know I am ranting and complaining. I know I need to find my center again and it was much better when I was writing.

I'm in a ton of pain tonight. Go hit right in the gut with the soccer ball. I can't even eat, though I have not eaten since 1pm.

Okay enough self pity. Hopefully, I can write something positive tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day.

Okay, really?

This writer is a writer who writes very little about what she should be writing about.

I am very tired but I felt the need to write and try to get this thing started again. I ran today. Felt very tired, have had a dry cough for a few days. I am worried about the flu, as it is going around at school.

I am happy in respect to my relationship. I believe I may learn to trust. We shall see. I am going to start some sort of meditation on it.

Work is good. Making progress, need more initiative. And I am battling with the college still about my degree.

In case life is a little dull, my kid's father has self-diagnosed the kid with Asperger's. Really?

Tutoring in La Pine, more students to come, financial things to juggle.

A ton of stress.

I am capable. I trust that others love and support me. More about that later. Must sleep to be a good mom tomorrow.

Hollyj