Spring Break

I am marveling about how time has passed, and how much has happened since my last spring break.

Running has not been going well. I ran today and the last time was at least 10 days before, and before that...refer to the previous post. I have been playing soccer twice a week, which has improved my skill and given me a mental boost. I am really loving the two teams!!! However, i have also been sick for nearly two weeks. So far, I have made it to work, and only cancelled some tutoring.

I think I have just been stressed. I still struggle with my fears. I had to go through the process of having my child support reduced, because apparently 7400 is not enough for him, when I only make 700, with occasional $ from tutoring. I am not going to complain any more. It just does not make sense.

I finished my practicum. I need to nut up and investigate all the other details and update my application, before I miss out on something. I really want to stay at Juniper, though. I really love it there.

I turned down a part in a play, decided not to audition for one I had a ton of encouragement for, and the only one I was interested in, I am too young for. I thought so, but I still wanted it. I think it was more a lesson of what is important in my life right now. My children, my partner, my career. These things need to come first. And what has theater brought me? A few good friendships. However, a great deal of what constitutes immature, immoral behavior. I don't mean in any "religious" context. Just lies, betrayal, gossip. I may be done.

I am launching in to one of those long stretches with the children. It is a mix of joy and laughter and tolerance. But these are the days they will remember. And someday they won't want to go.

Time.

Hollyj

March On

I can hardly believe it is March.

These past 9 days have been jam-packed with my boyfriend's surgery, finishing my practicum, child sickness, battles with certain people who shall not be named. Okay, just one person. At any rate, I have persevered and even at a few moments where I felt pretty low, managed to rise to the occasion and be better. Some of it due to my new outlook on my relationships, but mostly due to the patience, kindness and forgiveness of my loved ones.

Running. Well, I did not run for almost 2 weeks until Sunday. It felt pretty awesome to run again. Why do I cave to the negative inertia??? But I have not run since. Played soccer hard for 22 minutes last night, and I think we may put together a good team, if we can. The coed team seems to be coming around as well. That makes me happy, but I still do want to get running into the mix more often.

The main issue I have been struggling with is acceptance. I want to travel back in time and make things perfect. I have to deal with the now and the future and uncertainty. I have to pull myself up - again - by the bootstraps and get it working again for myself. I know I can, I have just been in a cocoon of sorts.

So, since spring is coming, time to emerge and fly.

I love you.

hollyj