hollyrunswild

Personal growth. I hate that phrase. It' so new-agey, weird, and does not describe. How about that scene in Alien where the little monster bursts through the guy's stomach? That's transformation. Too bad for the guy, and I know we all think that critter is evil, but life is life. Life is change. Change is painful.

Am I making a point? I doubt it.

For the first time in my life, I cried while I was running today. Damn Ipod was on 'emotional suicide mix'. "Complicated"
Running on the sidewalk along Hwy. 20, just crying. kept on going. Let's give you my "random playlist"
She will Be Loved
Complicated
Break On Through
Breathe (Anna Nalick)
What I am is What I am
Rock Star
*nuther one I cant remember, but equally important

Anyway. My universal DJ is spot on.

Dissociation.

So, how does one combat this emotional evil? You have to be willing to be in the moment. AND. you also have to battle the irrational thoughts. Tapes that play in your head. I thought I had won that battle long ago. Turns out, when I was faced with something that threatened my emotional safety, I dusted off that relic. Gave it some power.

So, I do what I do best. Researched the hell out of it. Looked at all my words, reflected on my choices. Not all bad, but some important dodges and serious flights of negative fantasy.

All I can do is all i can do.