Status Quo

It was an unconscious weekend.

Dropped kids off, had dinner, moving party, dinner with an old friend, slept a lot, improv…

Notice no running in there. I am so bummed out right now I could puke. Self destruction is on high volume. Self loathing even worse.

I loathe my self loathing.

I may have hit the bottom yesterday. At least I hope I did. Because any further down is going to be irreversible. Luckily, there are kind people in the world.

Sometimes if I really stop feeling sorry for myself, I realize the gifts I have been given.

It's just that I want it all. I am like a child that way. And knowing that does not seem to help me to stop the torture of obsessing about what I don't have.

Keep praying.

hollyj