Hollyj 3.0

Wow.
Today is my oldest son's 24th birthday. He is entering his 25th year. Mind blown. Somehow his early twenties are all but gone. I am really so proud of him. Despite the slings and arrows that life has thrown at him, he carries on, one foot in front of the other, better than his mother most days. He is smart and funny and just a very likable person.

I had a bit of a bottoming out yesterday, and I am not certain why. Obviously, there is a lot on my plate right now with the new school year, the changes in schedule, the relationship status, the demanding ex-husband, and my determination to really make some changes in how I approach life and all of my relationships. But after the emotions subsided, I became aware of my inability to handle frustration, and the ways I continue to seek escape.

School is so different this year, and I am trying not to focus on the things I don't like, but it is hard. I wish they would just hire me full time. I am praying for it. What a gift that would be. But, it would take a small miracle, I'm sure.

I start soccer on Thursday. I am SO out of shape. I have a race I want to do on 10/19 though, so maybe I will finally get motivated. I need to remember when I started this blog that I was 20+ lbs. heavier and still managed to slog through the miles. Where did that girl go? I hope to find her soon. Actually I hope to find an even better version of her. An update, maybe a new Operating System?

Happy Birthday my firstborn. I remember when I first held you, you just stared into my eyes. I held you all night long. I didn't sleep a wink.

Hollyj