Cleaning house

Still not running.

I seem to be going through a clearing out process. The shed, the bedrooms, cleaning carpets, etc. A ton of purging going on here; a desire to wipe things clean and emerge with less clutter in my home and in my mind.

But let's be clear: it is not a perfect process. There are still weeds growing in the yard. I have little piles of things I cannot decide what I should do about. I have lists of projects and hopes and dreams that I don't act upon on a daily or even a weekly basis. I want to be not just better, but to transform into who I should have been all along. I have an urge to show love and compassion, but not letting anyone run me over anymore. Also, I wish to do no more harm.

Time passes by. I worry that it is all still slipping through my fingers. I want to change the world somehow, I want to be a good parent, a good person. I stumble so much as I try to move forward. It is difficult not to lose faith.

One thing has proven to be clear. People do care. People will reach out to every corner if you only ask. You don't have to do anything but ask. And somehow, they believe in you, even when you don't believe in yourself.

Hollyj