surprise

Today was a better day. And be prepared. I may not write about running for awhile. I have bigger fish to fry.

Wow. So much to tell. First of all, people will surprise you. And a random statement by a relative led me back to some things I had not thought about for years.

But first, I surprised myself by totally handing things well and getting to the coast. I love being with my favorite cousin and godchild. He is so great and both Ethan and Ellie love entertaining him, which is really beyond what I imagined. And my kids handled everything well. Just hope Ethan does not vomit again!!

I was surprised tonight by many interactions, and while I am usually a fairly private person, I feel there is a story to be told.

When I was about 6 years old, my father "kidnapped" me, meaning he kept me beyond his legal visitation period. Many things happened then, my mother had just been abandoned by my stepfather, investigations were done and then pushed aside for the family's sake, but the end result was that I was sent off to live in Denver with my mother's older sister's family, who I did not really know at all.

And here is a story that should be told. Because as I wade through the depths of my insecurity, I realize that before that I had already been shipped off to my great aunt and uncle in Seattle and then to my grandparents before they decided that a year in Denver would be the best solution. The solution solved a problem they did not know how to handle. But I did not understand much of it at all. I was alone in a new place, with a new family, where I didn't have any idea of the rules. I was introduced to the church congregation as if I was an orphan. What other explanation could there be?

What I realized is that I wait for and/or create the situation in which I will be the cast--the orphan. I take a horrible pride in surviving these things. The problem is, I continue to create the abandonment.

There. One small step.

See you tomorrow.

Thanks to my best family members for saving me.

Hollyj