Rock Bottom

Trust is a difficult thing. Understatement?

I have slept most of the past two days. I guess I needed it. I have been processing a bit, not running yet. I hope for tomorrow. My hope for tomorrow is that I don't worry about what I can't control, that I get myself organized for the week, and that I keep working on that whole idea of being at peace with my circumstances. Oh, also that I finally start running again.

I need to believe in myself more. I need to take more good chances. I need to put myself out there in the world while I still have time left. I need to tell the people that I love, that I love them more often. I need to be able to experience all of my feelings and not snuff them out in one way or another.

I feel that knot of fear in my stomach already. But I have no right to. I have come through harder things. Why am I so vulnerable at times? Why do I forget that even some of my best friends struggle with much worse loneliness? Am I that selfish?

I am still so impacted by this quote from JK Rowling:
"I was set free because my greatest fear had been realized, and I still had a daughter who I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became a solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life."

So here we go. Will I start to build on the foundation?

Hollyj