Academic Vacation

I don't have homework this week, so I have spent my time reading The Marriage Plot by Jeffrey Eugenides. It was a great book. I was obsessed. I wish he had taken more time with the literary aspect, though. The title of the book refers to how women, for nearly all of history have had the choice of marriage or spinsterhood. A woman's fate was tied to who she married and she had no real choice of vocation. Writers like Jane Austen were considered renegades, and even Austen wrote about the impact of marriages. The other aspects of the book had to do with the study of religion along with the practice of faith. There was also sort of a twisted love triangle somewhere in there with a relationship to mental illness. In the end, everyone walked off into the sunset alone.

This brought back into focus the experiences I had in undergrad with my study of theology. My young mind was impacted by the ideas that people--mainly men--drew from what they thought they knew about God. This book reminded me of the idea that if there is an omnipotent being, how could we possibly conceive of him in any human construct? When people of any religion pass judgement, it just makes me want to scream. And yet, I do still feel that I am a "sinner", that I am prone to make mistakes based on my own selfishness and that I want to be of service to others, but I let my own desire for "happiness" blind me. And so often that happiness is temporary, bound by my own expectations that are often unrealistic.

I have much more to process and I want to read more theology because I think the more I consider these ideas, the less I focus on myself. I think I see things more clearly.

My running has been great. It has also given me some clarity of mind. I might even gather enough courage to join the monday running group. i want to do a race before the season totally wanes.

My financial issues have not totally been resolved yet, and I am just hoping that I get that lucky break. So if anyone is actually reading this, please put in a good word with your diety, toss a coin in a fountain, call in a bet for me. I just need a chance.

It's funny how my academic vacation has made me think more deeply.

Hollyj