Bird in a Cage

All this introspection, and still I want to smack myself in the head for the ground I have lost: as in "I thought I was smarter than that" or "why did I do that again" or "what is it I really want?"

No running at all this week, so no wonder I am feeling all twisted inside. I am getting something out of soccer. SO glad I did not take that part in the play. I would be so screwed right now.

I did randomly pick up this book "My Heart is an Idiot" by Davy Rothbart, the guy who published that "Found" magazine. pretty good read. Describes most of my relationships, so I guess I am not that special after all. :)

I cannot give up on the good things. And I really need to finish what I started. And I mean this week and for the next ten years (minimum).

Add and subtract.

I need to take better care of myself as the day wears on. That seems to be when I lose my resolve and sometimes my common sense.

As someone once pointed out: you need a routine.

Also, less escapism, more reality.

And now here comes this song. Thanks Pandora. But is it meaningful, or totally random and meaningless? That's how I feel about everything right now. What does it all mean? And why am I asking such a basic question? And what does it mean if I stop asking it? I've gotta learn what I am not and who I am??????

This world feel hopeless to me some days. Guns, fiscal cliffs, and just how no one seems to give a ___.

I am not depressed. I swear. I'm just the freaking canary in the coal mine. I am dying here.

hollyj