One Weak

I went running once since I wrote this past week (technically twice, I guess). I went out on Saturday, as it was overcast, and I thought I would beat the heat. Going out was fine, 15 minutes brought me to a pretty decent turnaround point. As reached minute 25, I hit a wall of heat and nausea that I have not experienced in many months. I actually walked, which is shameful to me on a normal day. I walked for about 90 seconds and tried again. Then I walked for another minute and was able to run the rest of the way home. (Strangely, I did not lose 2.5 minutes of time, only about a minute.) When I started my cool down walk around the block I was not sweating at all. Then, as I crossed the threshold of the house, I began to sweat and shiver. My skin broke out in goosebumps. I crawled into my bed and had fever and chills for about 45 minutes. Oy.

Today was the first time I tried to run again. Obviously, I was more affected by that virus than I thought last week. Today was pretty good. Cool breeze, great tunes, and, while I can tell I am not 100% as of yet, I feel a heck of a lot better than last week.

The employment front is not yet hopeless, but I sometimes wish things were not such a struggle in that area. I try to remain optimistic. I try.

I have had several flashes of thought toward a central realization about how I spend my time. Time is a curious currency, and I am beginning to see it in a different light. Redefining wasted time. Searching for how to spend it effectively with the ones you love and avoiding that paralyzing ache when I am alone. Because that is time I should spend with myself. That is definitely part of what running is for me. I need a few more extensions.

One political comment: I don't want to make any predictions yet, but if the R's continue in this manner, I have more hope than I did a few weeks ago.

I finally read a whole book for my own enjoyment!!! I read The Road by Cormac McCarthy. While it was not the most uplifting experience I have had, especially considering the state of mind I was in at the time, it was very well written and touched me a great deal. For me, I think it really impressed upon me the faith that children have in their parents. I know I have had occasion to disappoint my children. I have also had the gift of grace. As my oldest two celebrate their birthdays next month, I cannot believe the depth and breadth of the changes we have all experienced. These adults that tell me they love me still. My heart is fit to burst.

Peace,

hollyj