How long is long enough?

I am still alive.

The boating trip was fun. I had one little swim which left me cold all day, but other than that, seamless. Beautiful weather, great company, good food. It is always difficult to return to real life. And also, it's over for another year, and that's if I am lucky enough to remain part of the group. So, it is a long sigh of days following. Probably why I have not written. Hard to say it's over.

Anyhow...Went running on Friday. Notice it took me three days to do that? Ugh. Guess what? I am still out of shape. I am hoping to drag myself out of bed early tomorrow and get a run in in the relative cool. In case you are somewhere under a really cool rock, there is a heat wave going on. It is hard to get up early enough to where it is tolerable. I really want to try a 10k in Sept., so I better get my butt in gear.

In other parts of my life, I think change is coming or has happened. I am choosing to believe it is all for the better. My ex is remarrying. Not that I was surprised, but suddenly everyone is acting SO much nicer, so I am opening myself up to the possibilities of the positive. In addition, my beloved has a crazy work schedule that leaves me way too much time to think. I am swallowing great lumps of the "new normal".

As an almost 45-year-old single mother of four, who is under-employed and living from month to month, I am doing okay. My health situation is still unresolved, but I am coping. I need to take better care of myself, and have resolved to stop drinking the bad liquids (pepsi, coffee, alcohol)inspired by love. Never? No, not never. Just upon occasion, only as a special treat. Although I did buy some decaf coffee, as a compromise. I should add that the other factor was the recent FDA indictment on Pepsi in regard to cancer. Stomach cancer was one of the listed. Got my attention. If the FDA is willing to go there, it must be bad.

That brings to light the issue of dependency. The things I am dependent on and the cost attached. Do I want to have my stomach re-sectioned, or die because I really need a tasty beverage?

So, I will work on being in-dependent of the things that bring about my demise.

One day last week, I was floating down the river saying a prayer that I live long enough. So think about that for awhile. How long is long enough? That's my new mantra.

Hollyj

You may be right...

Blerg.

Finally went running. And boy, did my body let me know that I have been a sloth this past two weeks. It wasn't even the slight amount of heat. It was my lack of endurance and muscle replaced by flab. ICK.

And now I need to get ready for this next river trip. I just want to wave a magic wand and have it all be done and ready. I also would like to spend some time with my kids before I leave that is not just hanging around the house. Maybe we'll hang by the river tonight after dinner...

I have been back to self-soothing lately, and obviously not the healthy kind, or I would be running more. Zoning out, eating junk, not taking care of myself.

Did not get my invasive species permit which may turn out to be a burden on others, and I am pretty pissed at myself for that. I thought I could just get it online. Anyway, since I need to figure that out, I better get to work.

So, maybe I'll check in before I go, depending on how effective I am in the next three days. Hmmmm.


I need a new July mantra.

I never promised you a rose garden.

Hollyj